If you’re a natural disruptor, you’re going to do it whether you want to or not. Sometimes your presence, your energy, is all it takes to disrupt fuckery. Sometimes your choosing not to participate in the fuckery, without even saying a word, disrupts it and gets people mad. They don’t consciously know it, and some of you disruptors probably don’t consciously know it yet, but your choice to not participate and say absolutely nothing says absolutely everything.
If everyone is taking turns complimenting the emperors imaginary clothes, what happens when you just stand there and smile when it’s your turn? Or worse, say it aloud that the emperor isn’t wearing any?
This isn’t the work of drama queens and toxic people going in and being destructive because of egotistical reasons and ruining everything nice for everyone (but you’ll get accused of it anyway). There is a reason I just used the parable of the emperor. In that story, a child telling the obvious truth fucked everything up for the emperor. It had to be a child in the parable because she was innocent, and had no malice and no agenda. She saw what she saw and said so, that’s it. Being a truthteller is being a disruptor.
Everyone who is a disruptor works on different things in different ways. Some of you go in with molotov cocktails and watch it all burn so you can build back better. And some of us are more like Eris, we throw the golden apple and wait. You can learn or you can take yourself out with your own vices, it’s up to you.
If you don’t know where your expertise seems to be, think about it and you’ll see the patterns. If you’re into astrology, look in your chart. Any group or organization (or family system or…) I get into where power and control is being abused by the top dogs, my presence causes a scene. By the people benefitting from the abuse of power and control, I’m “othered” as soon as I walk in the door. I was othered as a toddler in a fundamentalist cult and labeled a devil for pete’s sake. But when I was a teen and young adult and totally unaware of being a disruptor of these kinds of patterns, I was less artful than Eris and more like fresh meat in the lion’s den.
I’m telling you this because speaking from experience, it’s traumatic af if you don’t understand what’s happening. Some people don’t like you on sight. You get accused of all sorts of interesting things. You’re lonely and alienated and you have no idea why. Belonging and connection is a normal human need and it’s hard when part of your work in this world is sometimes (or often) seemingly opposed to that and you don’t even know it.
We are not all here to be zen spreaders of love and light. I’m a daughter of Hekate. I hold the lamp in the darkest places for people living in the aftermath of abuses to find their way back to their power and their self. My love and light is not warm and fuzzy feelings and sweet words. My love and light is showing you a well of strength you didn’t know you had and reminding you just who the fuck you really are, no matter how deeply broken you believe you are. THAT is what I have the gut for.